2020 is just around the corner. Every new year holds a moment for reflection for the future. It's the natural process of our lives, and on the horizon of 2020, things feel very different. It might just be me, I'm not sure, and if it is call me crazy. But the turn of a new decade has me feeling ecstatic.
For me, it's a fascinating period. I feel as if I'm releasing a lot of expectations and wants; I thought I needed in my world. My 20's have not shaped out to be the decade I had envisioned. How could I have any understanding of what was to proceed with me when I started my trip into adulthood. Beyond the release of a younger self, I have learned to develop a clearer vision of the future, and deeply understand the responsibility I play in it. It may sound daft, but I believed for the longest time that I had minimal control over my life, with power dictated through social standards, economic position, and a small part of my own choices.
If you feel limited in the same manner, then Hunny your about to download some epic wisdom.
I now know, going into the new year, the new decade, and ultimately a new way of life. That I hold all the cards in the deck, and I'm in full control.
Understanding this concept is both liberating and fucking terrifying, and harbors an enormous amount of responsibility within oneself, and for the people in your life. I can deal with the responsibility; my ego thrives on it in a very unhealthy way. But what this realization has genuinely given me is an insight into my behaviors that are a little less desirable, why they have occurred, and how I can start to manage them.
2020 is not just the change of a year and a decade. It is a unique moment that the world appears to be in transition.
I know a lot of people will roll there eyes and say, what crap is this writer rambling on about, to go back to their mundane living. If that is you, then solder on batman, but for the few that feel the change, welcome!
With the turn of the new decade, the change from the old to the new. I feel it is only appropriate to call out habits we all will leave behind in 2019 to allow space for change. Don't worry these will be general in nature.
1. Stop chasing #yourbestlife
Everyone and I mean everyone needs to stop chasing happiness. IT DOES NOT EXIST. As a species we have risen and evolved in the pursuit of bettering our lives. Do you think would be here today if cavemen, found their 'best lives' and stopped caring amount fight for surviving? Nope, we would have died out with the rest of prehistoric animals.
The reason we a laser focus on happiness in the modern world is primarily due to watching the highlight reel of everybody else, with no context of how others are suffering. The comparison leaves us feeling inadequate when we compare our life to a 10-year old social media star who buys fucking Ferrari's and while you're still paying off your student loans. My point is everyone has a problem, and everyone is unhappy in some form. Chasing #yourbestlife is the best way to live a miserable life.
Instead, learn what problems you want to deal with, explore the world with the understanding that there is a pay off for every life choice. What does Oprah all ways reference? Newton's third law: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. For every positive there is a negative, it's life bitches.
So please, stop listening to skinny privileged white girls talk about their best life and how blessed they are. Stop listening to the office jock bost about his weight gain and the model he fucked on the weekend. These shallow existences will experience far more problems than you because they don't even know they have issues in the first place.
Learn what level of shit your willing to put up with to find happiness. I not willing to deal with office politics and letting shitty managers dictate my career. The pay for eliminating these fractures from my life, is I have to run my own business and execute a long list of tasks I dislike, for example, invoicing, lead generation, and writing service contracts. It's give and take, people, it's a law that you can't break or change, so stop trying.
2. Stop seeking self-worth and power in others (in particular lovers).
If you love a fuck boy, find your self always experiencing heartache, or keep giving your love to all the wrong people, you are most likely exhibiting some form of this dangerous behavior. It's time to stop with any outward satisfaction and direct your search for validation inwards.
Get real personal with your self and inner thoughts. It's worth noting the opposite of this negative behavior is the far more enlightening journey of learning to love your self. But you can't start that journey until you turn off the tape of love to others and focus all your energy on your center.
You're not being an asshole or 'closing your self off' when you limit your energy if you actively working on your self, understanding your self-worth, and building positive thought patterns. Working on your self is a practice most people never start and then wonder why they always end up in shitty relationships. Maybe because they have a dirty interior, and a toxic inner mind reflects a person's behaviors and who they gravitate too.
In short, don't be that person. It is time to put yourself at the center of your world, first and form most. Everyone else can wait, and anyone who dislikes your boundaries is not worth keeping around. Invasion yourself as the pilot of your life, your friends, family, and lovers are the passengers on the plane. If one person is screaming for help, you're not going to abandon the controls to run back to make sure everything is okay. Take control your life first, then you are in a position of power and fulfillment, and from that position, you can help others.
Once you have control of your world, you will start to build self-worth in the knowledge that you are in command. By taking governance of your life, your BS meter will have low tolerance, and you will simply watch the fuck boys and the time-wasters in your life, wash away. If people around you engage in behavior your not enjoying, you have the self-worth and power to walk away, because guess what, your opinion of your self is 100 times more important then what others think of you. You will gain that insight when you reflect inwards and learn to hold respect for your self.
Finally, you will start to find the people on your level as you have removed crap energy out of your life through the process of self-satisfaction. This process can seem harsh and direct but is a must for you to level up.
If we all approached life in this manner, the world would be far more self-sufficient and contain less drama. In 2020 take control of how you empower your self and look to your inner mind for connection; this is the most excellent love story you will ever experience.
3. Stop listening to the inner saboteur.
While you're looking inwards and developing respect within yourself, you are going to encounter your inner saboteur. This nasty little devil can make or break you, so it's wise to understand it's tricks.
To stop your inner saboteur is much easier said than done, feeling like an impossible task at the best of times. However, it is a must if you want to move beyond your current limitations.
Let me be very clear; I'm not talking about jacking up your ego to the point that you don't listen to any criticism. I have been in this state of mind, and it's not great. I'm referring to the management of the inner self-talk that while tear you down if you allow this demon to preoccupy any headspace
I know what your thinking, well, dah, I know this, but how the hell do I stop it, and if you mind is calling a blank. Then maybe open any one of Brene Browne's or Gary John Bishop's books and circle back when you have a better understanding of what is going on in your head.
Rather than telling you how to stop your next level cray-cray thought patterns, I would advise you to examine them instead. For real, get a note pad and write down any thoughts that you flag as unfavorable. These thoughts and situations will vary significantly from examples like, 'gosh I'm stupid for leaving my keys at home,' to your brain linking the cover of a cookbook to why your fat, stupid and a hopeless dumb ass. Yes, this is a real process that has unraveled in my mind, and only a month ago. It's not fun.
By writing your thoughts, you realize just how unrealistic your feelings are. While giving you some context to when and where contrary beliefs occur within your life, we like to think we are perfectly rational, but none of us are. You need to consider this when working through this process. This method also gives you... what did you say... CONTROL. Yay, your learning. Yes, by examining your disordered views, you have the power to change them, it's pretty amazing.
Once that you can see the patterns, you can challenge all your inner demons with hard facts. By using your own life experience as the clarity, that to your twisted thoughts about your self is mostly untrue. Question these beliefs and examine them deeply. I can imagine your not as stupid or lazy as your subconscious would lead you to believe.
Then you can start to change these thoughts and understand where they arise; you have the power to give a massive middle finger to your inner monster and overpower it with rational thinking. Honestly, it is an epic task, but one that is worth pursuing in the new year and one that will change your life and improve your self-worth.
4. Stop comparing your self to others in any way shape or form.
I struggle with this task a lot; I always compare myself and my journey to everyone. I examine my hero's to see if there are any similarities and how they overcame their downfalls. Always asking the question, "What are the steps I can take to fast track my way to success?"
You can see the holes in my strategy, their journey is not mine, and I can't compare anyone's success and path-way to my own. Or define my own life by other standards of achievement.
When you follow this approach, you set to fail from the beginning, no journies are alike, and a personal path in life is only affected by their own choices and how they react to their circumstances. Compare and despair, is very real, and you never gain any helpful insight from the comparison. Not to mention it detracts from how amazing your achievements and how your life has shaped out so far. If you find yourself playing the comparison game, examine your successes, and find gratitude within them. 2020 is not the year for judgment but a celebration of your value and what your yet to achieve.
5. Stop complaining. Period.
Before you say to your self, I never complain, already achieved that. I'm going to stop you. Even if you think you don't complain.... you do. Everyone does, it's human behavior, pour human behavior at that, but it is normal.
This practice has a close relation to a behavior one mentioned earlier 'Stop listening to the inner saboteur'. Complaining is a tactic your brain uses to bring in a slight vale of negativity and can send you down the rabbit hole of negative thinking mighty fast.
The smallest complaint opens space in your brain to feel a sense of lacking or failure; this behavior also severely limits your ability to remain grateful and practice gratitude.
The moment you complain you are already in a negative spiral, this is the time you need to take a big step back. Examine what is going on in your head and why you're giving any mental space to this frustration.
If your reading this post, I can guarantee your life is not so disastrous that you have the right to complain largely. You most likely live in a developed nation, your safe, have food on the table and hell your mostly white. So why do you feel the need to complain as if your world as about to implode?
If you want to continue living in your average world and allow a cycle of negative logic to continue, fueled by complaints about a perfectly good life, then keep hustling hun. But if you want to change your position to be positive and prepare for great-value, then stop COMPLAINING.
I would also like to note there is a difference between complaining and working on issues your experience through conversation. The essential difference being is your ability and wants to change the situation that frustrates you. For example, there is a difference between complaining about how unhappy you feel in your body, then eating a large McDonald meal, compared to having a conversation with a friend about your unhealthy relationship with food, identifying how you can change, then follow through with that.
It's pretty simple if you can't change what is frustrating you, DONT COMPLAIN.
If you're doing nothing to change your frustrations actively, DON'T COMPLAIN. If you are using complaining as a method to gain attention, DO NOT COMPLAIN.
It only hurts you in the long run and messes with your inner dialogue.
You also just sound dumb when you complain about general life happenings. It's not worth the breath, energy, and the harm it courses you. Instead of complaining, just make the changes you need in your life to improve it, isolate your frustrations, and streamline your life.